One of my favorite things to do on Instagram is follow pro-recovery accounts that show how so many women have escaped their eating disorders, and found full, happy, normal lives again. I love celebrating others’ recovery stories and recovery wins, but sometimes social media makes it easy to forget that recovery is not something you conquer once and kiss goodbye forever. Recovery is ice cream, feeling confident, and having fun – but recovery is also having days where you miss being sick. Bet you didn’t see that one coming, eh?
I Still Miss My Eating Disorder
Not to make this post all about Instagram, but on my account I often post captions where I’ll say
I will never go back to that life of restriction…
Never again will I punish my body….
Recovery today and every day…
That doesn’t mean that there aren’t days I feel like complete crap and my first instinct is to skip a meal, do some cardio to make myself better, etc. Now it’s important to recognize those thoughts and not let them become actions, but having them cross your mind? That’s part of the healing process. You don’t have to want recovery every second, you just have to be strong enough to commit to it even when you want to give up.
Missing Your Eating Disorder Does Not Make You Crazy
You’re not attention seeking or deranged if sometimes you:
- miss your sick body
- miss the control your eating disorder gave you
- miss behaviors you used to practice
- miss being that girl
It’s okay to struggle with longing pains for a time when all that mattered was staying thin. When being thin is all you want, that’s the easy part. Wanting more for your life is harder. Choosing recovery even when you miss the disorder is incredible strength.
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